Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
