Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
