Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
sex in a hospital.. check
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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