The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
