Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
