I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
