u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
