last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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