it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
