she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
