I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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