We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
