Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize