i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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