laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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