my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
