I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
