i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
