Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
