i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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