First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
