I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
being pregnant is like rehab
We have started to decorate penises.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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