i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
