He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize