It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The uberlube is also flammable
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
