things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
