You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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