I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
