im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize