You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
