I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
