So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
