Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
