dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
