you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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