he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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