She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize