He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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