i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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