So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
