So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
