Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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