My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
