He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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