shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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