is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
