Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I came so hard my ears popped.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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