I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
