literally had 100 drinks last night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
