12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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