my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
