2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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