Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
