It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize