he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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