Yo dont text me then not text me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
