I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
