you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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