you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
