My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
