Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
