not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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