You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
