Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're so nebulous sometimes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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