Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im on a boat
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