Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize