I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
