ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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