i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
