He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just googled if crying burns calories
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
