I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize