I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
