peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
