Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
