I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
