I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
