So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
