I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
