Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
