Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
