Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
