My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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