Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
