If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
