Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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