He felt like a one man threesome
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
