Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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