no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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