well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
