i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
